Most people do not know why I got into modeling. It's not a topic I usually share with people but I'm going to now because its part of the explanation as to why I'm not going to model anymore.

Several years ago my metabolism basically shut down and I gained a whole bunch of weight. There was a period of time where I did not leave my house because I was ashamed of my body. I went from having a ballet dancers form to being 60 pounds overweight at the height of 4'11". One day I finally decided to take my life back, my body back and my health back into my own hands and I did. My body then became a symbol of what I was able to accomplish. I went from 170 pounds to 105 pounds. I worked hard and as a result I decided to try modeling.

When I first stepped in front of the camera I was nervous and excited. I loved trying new things, new ideas and working with new people. I had the time of my life when I was in front of the lens. I proved to myself that I could be beautiful again on many levels. I pushed myself to not remain inside a box. I pushed my body's limits at times with some of the shoots I did and in the end I felt great about it.

My body still fights me everyday and I work hard everyday to keep myself physically and mentally healthy. Lately, modeling has not given me the joy that it once did. I've felt like I'm not good enough in almost every way when I step in front of the camera now. I've met a few people who have ruined this for me. It saddens me to say goodbye but I feel that I must. I will still be here watching all of the wonderful photographers and models whom I've come to enjoy. I've met some truly talented people through this whole process and I hope I will remain as dear to them as they will be to me. I may do an occasional shoot with a photographer or model who is a friend but I don't see myself getting back into this with the same emotion that I had before, at least not anytime soon.